*Just Suzi*

Wednesday, March 28, 2007
time for a time

hello world, it's 2 am now and i just came back from school.
it has been a pretty hectic week. i spent more than half my day in school these days and there are times i gave up. i just wanna hibernate.
but weirdly, i feel refreshed now. i seem to enjoy late nights, project rush and all those last minute information overload.
this is the only term which i feel i learnt alot while doing the projects. i have never done so much research in my entire life to the point i got desperate and sought help from some smarties.
now im left with IE presentation and report. pray no one asks me questions.
im just going to stone the whole day tomorrow and wait patiently for my last day of school to end.
time flies. my 2nd year is going to be over in no time.

 

Just me at 2:04 AM

Friday, March 23, 2007

i think tuesday are bad-luck-days for me. don't want to whine so much about it here.i just wanted to post this to remind me about all that has happened.

and Happy Birthday Jan!!
i hope you had fun in Phuket. sorry i wasn't able to surprise you or something cos smu really took over my life. i really will buy you dinner after my exams. and i havent forgotten last year's promise. ah!! i owe you 2 dinners!!! can we have 1 sumptous one instead?

school's pretty much the same. twc finally ended except for the final exam. just one more homework for AE and IE to conclude them as well. ohh ya, and IE project which i'm so lost in.
i think im really not cut up for econs. did god arrange this so that i treasure finance more?

cant wait for Apr fools' day!! that's pre exam chill out man. or IE report final touch-up-day.

and CK randomly suggested backpacking in China. meiyan thinks she too stressed. but seriously i dont mind. just wanna get out of S'pore. to see the world and experience a lil hardship. anyway my life sucks, wont make much of a difference.

suddenly i made a number of Meiyan's frens. this is werid.
but im not in the right frame of mind either. my mind's so filled that no neurons can move.

i think i've changed in a bad way. im too ashamed to state it out but sometimes it's not within my choice. they changed me. they forced me. im not trying to be irresponsible here. it's painful and tiring too.i just need to protect myself so that i carry on walking.

end of my random post. i think im probably the only one who knows what this whole mess is about. my life is in such a mess too!!

 

Just me at 7:27 PM

Monday, March 19, 2007

drained..
it's really a horrible feeling cos like i mentioned in the previous post, i can give up everything.
anyway FIIM presentation's over, wont comment much, so im left with TWC report and IE report and presentation. im dreading this. IE is just not attractive- relatively low weightage, tons of readings heavy heavy workload.

im about to doze off listening to steven's stories. help!!!

 

Just me at 12:23 PM

Friday, March 16, 2007

dear world, i am so SLEEPY. i really wonder if all or most of my smu counterparts are like me - sleep deprived. or am i the only one who need half a day of sleep.
this week was hell and i beginning to believe dad's words that if i start the week feeling tired, i will be tired the entire week. it's working! i had to rush out my career plan on sunday night which i thought was simple. oh my! now i feel bad about it cos i resolute to spend a substantial amount of time working on it and thinking about my future whilst completing my assignment. but i didnt.
anyway im bloggin today cos i need to remind myself about the horrible things i've done on tuesday. i dont know why i acted in certain way but im sure i know i cant control my emotions and actions. this is freaky. one day i might just turn crazy.
i wish some day i need not do anything but sleep. since i cant now, i wish for constant supply of red bull and caffine.

im officially meiyan's super girlfriend. you know, we always settle for the 2nd best. it's funny how she's going bonkers on psychology, something which i went thru a few months back.

 

Just me at 6:25 PM

Sunday, March 11, 2007

Grandma came to visit!! a really short stay and i cant fork out time to spend with her, except maybe dinner tomorrow before she leaves on tuesday.
she's turning 70 in a few years' time and i hope she will be able to celebrate her 70th birthday. Grandma's was prefectly fine when i visited her last december so when sarah told me that she had all the aches after 15mins of walk, my heart sank. she's my only grandparent left.
what is going to happen to me if she also leaves?perhaps nothing.
i resent parting which is part of the reason why i don’t really like going back to malaysia. i can’t bear to see grandma tear everytime all of us leave. so whenever i visit her, i'll always request to come back earlier, alone.
i can't take parting. since the trip to japan when i was in P5, dad hasnt walked me into the airport. i remembered that morning i wanted to cry when he hugged me before i left but i held back cos i knew mum would laugh at me. it's not a good feeling.
perhaps now dad thinks im grown up enough, he would only sent me to the airport, say the usual stuff and drives off. sometimes i feel quite upset cos he seems nonchalant, but on the whole i feel better this way.
like what I told yuexin that day, i think i should have less friends so the number of funerals i have to attend before i die will be lesser. More friends, more sorrows to handle.

 

Just me at 1:43 PM

Tuesday, March 6, 2007

hello world, i finally had a good 5 hours sleep after so many nites of FIIM mugging.
it's really horrible when i hadnt have enough sleep cos i can give up almost anything, like my paper today. too sleepy.

on a lighter note, i finally webcam with ms ting.
she is having so much fun and good food. im envious. when will i step out of my comfort zone? the experience is definitely one i yearn for in the near future but the process, im not sure if i can take it, at least not now cos i'll miss mum and all my dearies.

anyway my new study mate is meiyan!!
we spent the last day of CNY together in SESS GSR 4.6, indulging in hokkien mee and tea, and red bull and watching fireworks at the corner of the room. a shame, meiyan's not a guy.
kinda pathetic spending my sunday in school but i think i really enjoy schooling. i was planning my modules and have decided to graduate in 3 n half year, which means that i have another 1 and half more years to go. this is probably the last period of my schooling life. whatever that happen in the future, i dont know, but i'll treasure every minute of learning and rushing now.

okay..spare me 20 minutes of your life looking at this 2 clips ya? x'mas present for our dearies, filled with the deepest love from ms ting and i.

Part 1




Part 2



my girls, there is simply no other possession more precious than this.

 

Just me at 12:40 AM

Saturday, March 3, 2007
so history cant be erased

"You can erase someone from your mind. Getting them out of your heart is another story."

Sometimes I wish the technology to erase someone from my mind exist just like how it was in Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind. If i can decide to erase someone and not love him anymore, then perhaps llife will be much simpler.

Pain is just what love brings.
Meiyan said this to me today,

"We either make ourselves miserable or we make ourselves strong. The amount of effort is the same."

Meiyan, Im drained. That's either delusion or consolation.
For a moment I thought Im going to be happy again. But things just fall apart. I dont have the strength to stand up over and over again. The more I tell myself that things will get better, the more miserable I get. Thoughts can be changed but the pain can never be healed. It stays hidden there, neverending.

They say that emotional pain can make one stronger. But how much pain can one take? How much pain do I have to take until my heart stops crying, until I feel numbed?

I think getting someone out of my heart is really hard. The harder I try to forget him, the harder it is to forget. My heart just cant do so.


dear god, if this is my life, please make it smooth.
if this is what i need to do, please bless me through.


 

Just me at 12:33 AM

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